@dril

i can confirm that Somali pirates have intercepted my shipment of 20,000 glossy 8×10 headshots and are using them for vile purposes

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@Mom_Overboard

First, they came for the lettuce… and I said nothing because I don’t eat lettuce.

Then, they came for the kale… and I said nothing because I don’t eat kale.

Then they came for the fries…
and I said, OH. HELL. NO.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

“Welcome to the jungle”
Thanks.
“We’ve got fun and games”
Cool.
“You’re in the jungle”
We’ve established this
“You’re gonna die!”
Wait what?

@nachdermas

if the grim reaper is any indication, the afterlife is mostly farming

@TheHyyyype

[i’m on the ship’s deck, dragging around a board by a rope]

PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that’s not what i meant by “walk the plank”

@MacMcCannTX

Just found out that “April fools” is not a valid defense in a court of law