@juliussharpe: I can see your camouflage pants, so they're not working.
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@charliedelta7: McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.
@KalvinMacleod: How to determine what party to vote for: 1) Calculate income 2) Divide by number of dependents 3) Subtract age 4) Download Game of War
@HansGrubertron: *I sit bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat* HER: Did you have the zombie nightmare again? ME: (thinking about the time everybody sang 'happy birthday' to me and I accidentally joined in) Yes
@TheTimmyToes: *sees baby* *crouches down, does some cute baby talk* *no reaction from baby* *stands up slowly* You've made a powerful enemy today, baby