@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
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@UncleDuke1969: Hello! Is it me you're looking for? Hello! Is it me you're looking for? Hello! Is it me you're looking for? (Lionel Richie, speed dating)
@BoomBoomBetty: [watching him pack his bag to leave] Me: So this is it, we’re done and you’re leaving me? Plumber: Uh yes the toilet is unclogged now.
@unmehlievable: My husband says I'm addicted to spending money on pointless things. So I bought him a Llama to cheer him up.