Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@sliver_of: I can't commit to plans with friends who wear fitbits.

-"No, I don't want to take the stairs again, you psycho."

I can’t commit to plans with friends who wear fitbits. -“No, I don’t want to take the stairs again, you psycho.”
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@JonasPolsky: Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party.

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@mela_shea: *winks* *shrugs* *wiggles eyebrow* *does jerk off motion* *waves hands in the air like I just don’t care* *does the hokey pokey* *walks like an Egyptian* *wonders why he didn’t ask for my number*

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@Try2StopME: Before you decide to spend less time on social media, make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.

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