I don’t know the lyrics to any of Pitbull’s songs, but in my defense, I’m not really convinced he does either.
I can’t help but feel that if Mario hadn’t been taking so many mushrooms he would have found the right castle rather quickly..
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We need a ride home.
“I called a Gruber”
Don’t you mean an Uber?
[villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]
i’m tired of the phrase “too bad” so from now on I’m saying “that’s cactuses” and if you don’t like it well that’s cactuses
Gemini: Invisible hands draw closer to your throat. Also, an Adobe software update is available. It will require a restart.
“My lips are sealed.”
Her: I’m putting you in the dead zone
Me: Lol you mean the friend zone
When being wrong every day for being alive isn’t working for you.
britain’s three elite institutions
If two parents sit down to help their child with three math problems at 7:00 PM, what time will daddy be sleeping on the couch tonight?
Me: I’m an actor
Date: Oh that’s cool!
Me: Have you seen “No Country For Old Men?”
Date: I love that movie!
Me: Yeah it’s awesome. Anyway, haven’t booked any roles yet.