In my day children didn’t ask “What fresh hell is this?” while browsing through a rack of cardigans.
I can’t imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I’m Canadian and I’m chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.
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When men ask you out, you say no, and they demand an explanation: buddy what is this, high school gym class, do I need to hand you a note from my mom like “sorry Isabel is excused from dating random men on the bus today”
Co-worker: Why did you hit me with your chair?!
Me: Because my desk is too heavy.
HER: You can’t even go 5 minutes without making a Star Trek reference.
ME: Yes I Khan.
How’s adulting going for me today u ask?
Well,I just spend 20 minutes looking for my phone in my car
While using my phone as a flashlight.
ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven’s 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this
I don’t like it when my phone puts a word in “quotals” like I made it up or I’m stupid or something.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it’s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
If there’s one think I’ve learned from twitter it’s to never be near an American and a wood chipper