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@AbbyHasIssues

I just got excited about a new scent of dish soap.

No one warned me adulthood was going to be such a non-stop thrill ride.

@TJ_Whitehead

By my calculations, I’ve spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table

@SkipsAhoi

I’ve had to walk past this monstrosity every day for the last few weeks and it’s really taking a toll.

@SufficientCharm

6am: Too tired

8am: This isn’t so bad

1pm: OMG so tired

5pm: zombie

8pm: Dead

10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS

@iGreenMonk

I always carry a mushroom with me, just in case my enemy shows up & I need something to make me bigger.

@d3dgirl

i wanna delete all my socials soooo bad but tf am I gonna do? feed penguins?

@bossy_bootz

If you don’t get my sarcasm, you obviously lack a sense of humor

If I don’t get your sarcasm, you just suck at it

@Reverend_Scott

[interview]
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.

“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”

OH COME ON