I just got excited about a new scent of dish soap.
No one warned me adulthood was going to be such a non-stop thrill ride.
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By my calculations, I’ve spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table
I’ve had to walk past this monstrosity every day for the last few weeks and it’s really taking a toll.
Yay it’s payday!
That was short lived.
6am: Too tired
8am: This isn’t so bad
1pm: OMG so tired
10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS
I always carry a mushroom with me, just in case my enemy shows up & I need something to make me bigger.
i wanna delete all my socials soooo bad but tf am I gonna do? feed penguins?
Let he who is without sin, get the hell away from me.
If you don’t get my sarcasm, you obviously lack a sense of humor
If I don’t get your sarcasm, you just suck at it
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.
“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”
OH COME ON