WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What’ll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
I can’t wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.
You Might Also Like
I wish I had enough talent as a dancer to disappoint my family by becoming a dancer
Me: I’d kill for a donut
Krispy Kreme assistant: Please use cash
Why proof read your tweets when you have plenty of people who’ll do it for free
Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.
My son and I both have creepy teenage mustaches. Only one of us is excited about it though.
*Where do YOU see ME in 5 years..
You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
If evolution isn’t real, then why are my hands the perfect size and shape for carrying Starbucks cups?
me: *waking up* who’s there
monster under bed: hi
me: *shaking* omg you’re real
monster under bed: but i won’t hurt you
monster under bed: just give me all your halloween candy
monster under bed *taking off mask to reveal my dad*: dad tax