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@Cait_Plus_Eight: I childproofed my house, but they keep getting in.
@thenatewolf: *Robot watches me vape*
Robot: mm yeah but swallow it
@transaParent: I just taped the TV remote to my dogs back so I'll never lose it again.
Your move Apple.
@ohmygrapeness: Millennials urban dictionary everything... I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.
@alispagnola: What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?
@OtherDanOBrien: "Dark Side Tech Support."
"Hi. My hand lightning won't work. The hate's flowing thru me, but nada."
"Try turning the hate off & on again."