I just hope this Justin Bieber thing doesn’t make all yellow Lamborghini owners look bad.
I consider anything that doesn’t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
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My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back.
I never know what to do with my hands during pictures,
so I get it gang members, I totally get it.
Me: Do you have any dreams?
Him:…I’m running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes…
Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT
I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today
7YR OLD: daddy, what does “despacito” mean?
“Are you ok?”
Never heard of him
HELLO, 911? I’M FALLING DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. YES, RIGHT NOW. VERY SLOWLY, THAT’S HOW. HOLD ON, SOMEONE JOINED. WHOA, NOW WE’RE FALLING UP
Your word is “coincide”
-could u use it in a sentence?
Sure: When the nickel murdered the penny it was a case of “coincide”