Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I could be subtweeting my cat for all you know. Calm down.
You Might Also Like
Is there a button for “please show me more ads like this”???
Kinda bored. Maybe I’ll write a coloring book.
I come from a long line of successful people.
I decided to stop that tradition.
*crawls into windowless creeper van*
One kidnapping, please.
WIFE: It’s great having kids, isn’t it?
ME: Oh yeah, it’s the best
W: How long until they go to bed?
ME: 4 hours, 17 minutes & 26 seconds
“No more self-deprecating tweets,” I whisper fatly.
My husband disappears when I’m angry at him. I haven’t seen him since 2015.
It’s absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
My wife got upset when I asked her to take out the lavender scented trash bag, proving that lavender doesn’t have any calming effect