Yes kids, Daddy does have a favorite and you’ll find out which one of you it is when my will is read.
“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing…Watch you smile while you’re sleeping…”
Aerosmith = Romantic
Me = Restraining Order
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‘Oath’ for breakfast, Affidavit for lunch perhaps. 😂😂
If by prepped for Irma you mean have I eaten all the ice cream before the power goes out then yes I’m totally prepped for Irma.
Yeah, but can your 25 year old girlfriend do this? *falls asleep standing up*
I told a deer joke once. It was very fawny.
My ex told me I’d never find another woman like her. nnI don’t think she was expecting the high 5 and happy dance I did right after.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor’s house is genius.
Coffee is cheaper than bail
Starbucks – You sure about that?
When I’m with you, I’m breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you’re a treadmill and I’m asthmatic.
Me: Don’t spit at your sister!
4: I’m a bunny.
Me: Bunnies don’t spit.
4: I’m an acid-spitting bunny.