You look like a snack:
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noises
You look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.
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The best way to get a job is to hold the other person’s hand through the interview. If you don’t get hired, no worries. You made a friend.
Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
Look at all of these beautiful horse
Horse is already plural
“You’re thinking of elk”
*stares off* Holy mooses, you’re right
How often do you think Jennifer Aniston uses the line “I’m not here to make Friends?”
Him: I’m tolerant of the gay lifestyle. A neighbor of mine was gay.
Me: Thanks. I’m tolerant of yours too. A neighbor of mine was an idiot.
If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.
I’m going to be late for work.
I can’t fit my hair in the car.
going to red lobster does anyone need any red lobsters
When Edison got the idea for the lightbulb, an oil lamp appeared over his head.