@kwirkyKerri: I darkened my hair and now people expect me to be smart too. It's exhausting. Send bleach.
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@SirEviscerate: DATE: Did you know a octopus can slip through any hole his beak can fit? ME: ...haha no. [Later] ME: *tearing apart my almost-finished octopus jail blueprints*
@DrakeGatsby: If global warming is a hoax, then how do you explain all these hot singles in my area?
@Kristen_R5: summer is real cute until every frickin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell