@KtotheK39

I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him.

Unconscious on the street.

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

I can’t tell the difference between large, extra large and jumbo eggs. There, I said it.

@brendohare

Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn

@bromanconsul

people are like “pokemon is basically dogfighting” but tbh if a dog with ice powers fought a ghost dog I would probably peek over that fence

@KeetPotato

how to beat an egg:
– literally pick any game you want, they dont even have hands

@upsidedowntrash

ME: Velma cant see anything without her glasses, so in order to find her glasses, she needs to be wearing them

PRIEST: Those are your vows?

@Diversion50

I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders.

@Cheeseboy22

Asking your child to go get their sibling for dinner is just asking them to stand next to you and scream their sibling’s name.

@CraigChamberlin

Apparently “What inning is it?” is not a valid Football related question. Sports are hard.