@dumbbeezie: I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SJSchauer: *first date* Guy: I like a girl who's good with money Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can't identify your body
@stevevsninjas: customer: i'll have the barbecue chicken thighs me: i'll bring you the barbecue, but there's no need for hurtful nicknames
@crunchenhancer: I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.