“It is a race horse”
Sorry, I don’t see race
I deserve butter.
(not a typo)
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I wish radical Islamists were just Muslims who were really into surfing.
court: counsel why are you yelling your questions from back there?
me: i’ve got my phone plugged in back here your honor.
*Tim Burton slams hands on table*
WTF DO U MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE
*turns to Depp*
HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they’d never get caught.
Vegan pizza…. is basically
just the box.
A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.
Body: so tired
Brain: can’t sleep
Body: okay then, let’s pee every 15 minutes
Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair.
Rapunzel: Hair, you’ll never be beautiful, you’ll always have split ends.
*hair is super let down*
Going to church doesn’t necessarily make you a nice person… It does, however, make you sleepy.