*finally detangles ear buds
“I didn’t come here to argue.”
– people who definitely came to argue.
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To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh… yeah. yes.
New guy: I really like your name
Me: Thanks I got it for my birthday
Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
I just found a Macklemore CD in a Thrift Shop and the Universe imploded.
Tell me I’m beautiful
Tell me I’m a genius
“You’re a genius”
“Just give me the toilet paper, please”
“If I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave, If I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave, if I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave” – Me getting pulled over
girlfriend: promise you won’t do anything weird
[later at the funeral]
me: [to the tune of my sharona] m-m-m-my condolence
[boarding plane with really old pilot]
“think his heart will hold out? lol”
attendent: excuse me, sir?
“depart out, what time do we leave?”
Ever since I found out cats don’t meow to other cats, that’s just some shit they learned to manipulate humans and moews are supposed to mimic infant human cries I’m noticing a lot of fake shit about my cat