@Shh182: I didn't fart, I flirted. That was a flirt!
*runs away flirting*
@cmfh111: during childbirth, a woman can almost experience the excruciating pain felt by a world cup soccer player when someone lightly touches his leg.
@vineyille: FBI: I can’t unlock my phone
Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache?
FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised
@specialhug: what do we want
LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES
when do we want them
@alexa_alessia: Oh ..your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?:-)
@DurtMcHurtt: The crack of dawn is probably just as good as the crack you get at midnight.