@KMoFlo_official

I didn’t shower today and there has been a gnat flying around my head for several minutes. I think this is how my life as Pigpen starts.

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@Contwixt

Be nice to me or I will rain down Hell upon you when I start my blog.

@MattMcC1

“We run a tight ship” barked the captain, his shoulders barely getting thru the doorway “Real tight.”
he turns sideways to fit down the hall

@Dawn_M_

Don’t feel special. I flirt with old people and family members too.

@CodyLane08

If your zodiac sign is asparagus don’t even bother being my friend because I’m a caprisun and we are not compatible

@AdamBroud

Anchor:Actress Zooey Dechanel has murdered an entire town

Co-Anchor:Lol who murders a whole town

A:So quirky

C:Haha America’s sweetheart

@Angibangie

To be honest, I’m annoyed that my 5th grade curriculum didn’t include a ‘Defense against the dark arts’ class.

@3sunzzz

What Geico said: We just saved you 15% on your car insurance.

What I heard: You should go shopping.

@JKickinit30

Your pronunciation of the word surreal is why I have trust issues.

*puts away bowl and spoon

@gagging

If you think marijuana doesn’t kill you’ve obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right.