The biggest lie from my childhood was “Anti-Skip Protection” on my Sony Disc Man.
I didn’t spend years perfecting this blank, vacant expression so you could mistake me for someone who cares, lady…
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Optimus Prime: AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT.
Me: *walks downstairs* where the hell is my toaster and microwave?
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?”
Facebook is worse than my parents.
me at age 15: (stressed, worried about prom every day)
me now: (carefree, think about prom maybe twice a week tops)
If you love Batman, let him go, because Batman Returns.
I’m going to be a piñata for Halloween: nearly broke & full of candy
If I hadn’t heard these words my entire life, “nooks and crannies” would sound like slurs
When you say ” friends with benefits” I assume you own a medical Marijuana dispensary and or a liquor store
My IQ score says I’m intelligent. My dating history disagrees.