[Michael Bay directing]
“WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK”
Teacher: This is your son’s 3rd grade play
“Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS”
I didn’t think a McDonald’s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did…
OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
You Might Also Like
*throws coin in fountain*
stranger: can you not do that?
Me: just want my wish to come true
S: this is a drinking fountain
m: wish came true
Dayton hoops player has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night.
I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn’t know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.
We should double tap 2020 to make sure it’s really dead
** Changes Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated.”
Bob Eubanks: Describe your wife as an animal
Me: *flips card* Owl
*Bob and I high five*
This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.
“I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You’re wonderful but get away from me” -My love letter to carbs
Leviticus 20:13 legalises gay marriage and marijuana:
“If a man lays with another man he should be stoned”.