You Might Also Like


Dad : son ,when I was your age I used to walk 6kms to school

Son: oh now I get it
Dad: get what?
Son: why you didn’t make it to university


Hubs: I think we should buy a new camper.

Me: What’s the matter with you? You’re just gonna say that right in front of my phone?

*Facebook timeline turns into solid camper ads*


Roughly 60% of my childhood was spent trying to do the crane kick after watching Karate Kid.


*watches neighbor sprint outside in his underwear chasing the garbage truck after I rolled his trash can back to his house last night*


[8am, phone rings]

Hotel Desk: Ma’am we’re going to be turning off the water for about 2 hours this morning.

Me: No worries, I have vodka.


My walk of shame is walking past the people I just said goodbye to because I went in the wrong direction and had to go back.


Make porridge seem more glamorous by describing it as “Oat Cuisine”.


Me: and then I visited ancient Egypt

1-up Carl: well I’m going next year so it will be even more ancient then

Me: shit


Zookeeper: This panda is on the rampage and I only have 1 tranquilizer dart

Me: it’s pandamonium!

Zookeeper: [shoots me right between the eyes]