@AnnietheNanny1: I don't always eat 100-calorie packs of anything, but when I do, I make sure and eat the whole box.
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@Home_Halfway: I spent 2 hours at a gym looking angry with my arms crossed. The manager thought I worked there and gave me a raise
@3sunzzz: [aquarium] *penguin strapped on my back* Ma'am, is that a penguin on your back? No, it's just a backpack. Oh, WHAT'S IN IT?! um, fish
@the_anastasia: "Are you working right now? Where are you working?" Facebook is worse than my parents.
@markleggett: I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write "Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."