@AnnietheNanny1: I don't always eat 100-calorie packs of anything, but when I do, I make sure and eat the whole box.
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@UncleDuke1969: [first time] HER: (handing me condom) Do you know how to put this on? ME: They showed us in health class. HER: Good. ME: Okay, where's the banana?
@AlexKaseberg: In Florida, a man on a beer run chased customers with an alligator under his arm. In a related story, there is a bill to change the Florida state flag to a guy buying beer with an alligator under his arm.
@wolfmannjr: *after 12 tequila shots* Left eye - It’s PARTY TIME!! Right eye - I’m beat, I’m going to lie down in the corner