
Candlesticks, for when you want to be stylish but also might need a murder weapon.
I don’t believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I’d scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
Candlesticks, for when you want to be stylish but also might need a murder weapon.
Thanks, Word-Of-The-Day, I’m already familiar with “plateau.”
Let’s be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked
Wife: “Bad day?”
Me: “Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid.”
Wife: “Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold.”
“Necessity is the mother of invention” okay I’m hooked, who’s the dad, is he still in the picture are you guys still together
I bet Scooby wished he never got into that van of weirdos
me: so you’re just going to pack up my things? as if none of this meant anything to you??
grocery bagger: what
There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
wife: im sick of him jeopardizing our marriage
therapist: how do you respond to that kyle?
me: ill take susan is being a huge baby for $600
*robs craft store with hot glue gun*