@SheaSerrano

i don’t care what anyone says Baby Groot is perfect and i would gladly trade any of my children for him

You Might Also Like

@arb

crisis: happens

celebrities: time to 🎶 SIIIIIIIIING

@_coryrichardson

me: [handing back newborn son] idk man his vibe is off

doctor: what

me: im not vibing with this baby man

doctor: *to my wife* is he being serious

my wife: your vibe is kinda off too man idk

@InternetHippo

Movie super villains always have wild origins stories like “Fell into radioactive goo” or “Possessed by alien” when a more realistic and gritty one would be “Attended Harvard”

@JermHimselfish

*takes a home pregnancy test*
*finds out home is pregnant*
*calls a carpenter to find out if it’s gonna be a shed or a gazebo*

@DirtyySouthMess

Me: Pretty sure my life just flashed before my eyes.

Trainer: You only did a single push-up.

Me: Call my mother and tell her I love her.

@TylerFoFyler

I’m not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won’t make eye contact.

@fro_vo

GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: hi grayfish

GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: u said that already

GOLDFISH: said what

@_NikkaBee

Messages you through eBay.

Hi, why did you block me?

@dadmann_walking

5 kept asking Alexa what time his friend was coming over today. he was getting pissed when she didn’t know the answer.

dude may be able to work a tablet better than me but it’s good to be reassured i’m still smarter.

@DaddyJew

Me: I’m gonna be late

Boss: why?

Me: *stealthily following a chicken after it crossed the road* I’m solving a mystery