My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.
I don’t come into YOUR bathroom and tell YOU how to tweet.
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Im making a fortune promoting home security systems.All I do is say “Hello”.At 3 in the morning sitting at the end of their bed.
*whispers seductively in your ear*
“…look at that last slice of pizza and you’re dead to me…”
Do people who talk on their phones while driving know you can use driving as an excuse to avoid talking on the phone?
[cool youth pastor voice] let me tell you the story of another special boy who miraculously left a cave
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Don’t say “ATM machine”. The “M” already stands for “machine”.
It’s redundant. It’s like saying “end result” or “racist Fox News Anchor”.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
The four elements
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