@PerfectPending

I don’t envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.

You Might Also Like

@causticbob

“Wanna hear a joke?”
“Alright then.”
“What’s the difference between a toilet and a fridge?”
“I don’t know,”
“You’re disgusting.”

@copymama

*Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*

@kumailn

Every text from my mom is the most heart breaking thing I’ve ever read. Until the next text from my mom.

@L8yK8y

In the past 3 weeks, my trash has gone out more than I have.

@iRowlf

All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! Lol. But seriously, ladies. This is a robbery.

@DurtMcHurtt

Thought somebody was touching my neck so I turned around and did a karate chop stance, turns out it was just my feather earring.

@geekysteven

“Why didn’t any of you go back and kill Hitler?”
TIME TRAVELER: We prioritized stopping Zortho the Endless Scourge in 1935.
“Who?”
TT: Bingo

@JoParkerBear

If you want to keep your kids out of your phone, you have to think of a creative password they will never ever guess, like your birthday.