I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college
I don’t get why everyone talks so fast in old movies. What was the hurry? There was nothing to do back then.
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Werewolf’s wife: IDGAF! It’s a full moon tonight and I will not have you shedding all over! Outside, now!
Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You’re going to blow my secret that I’m a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit
I wonder how many illegitimate socks are out there because of me?
you, an idiot: It’s pronounced worcestershire.
me, an intellectual and foodie: Actually, it’s pronounced worcestershire.
“Hi can I just have a single burger?”
I’m sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship
“But that’s not eve-
Please show some respect
Story of my life.
Me: Don’t do anything special for my birthday.
*People do special things for my birthday*
Me: Oh thank God.
“I don’t want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it’s your fault.” ~ girls
In the movie Titanic it always bugged me that she stayed on the raft when clearly she had more body fat for warmth.