@dlockw21
Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I’ll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two.
@purplefuzzygirl
I don’t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work… There’s never any left when he comes home.
Idiot.
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@dlockw21
@Shenaniglenns
Me: Don’t you hate it when you walk into a room but don’t remember why you’re there?
Executioner: Ugh the WORST
@Vodkantots
When someone compliments you, look them in the eye and calmly state, “I refuse to accept this.”
Then walk away forever.
@roostermustache
Me: can i play music
Funeral director: that’s not appropriate
Me: nana would’ve wanted it
Director: ok
CD player: someBODY once told me
@sarahcpr
Is anyone else worried that software engineers with no people skills are teaching our future robots people skills
@GrandadJFreeman
In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood … In 2012: he died of hunger.
@jake_lach
She said I’m ‘barely tolerable,’ which means there’s still a chance
@SamGrittner
what idiot called it a chicken instead of an eggplant
@tigersgoroooar
Who even thought of soup? Were they like, you know what this perfectly good meal needs? Water.
@MorganCO_B
Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent