@cigarin: I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day.
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@shariv67: "Your honor, my client is absolutely not a flight risk."n"What makes you so sure?"n"He is a penguin."
@NewDadNotes: Wife: our daughter can’t find her physics book. Me: just tell her to use the force lol. Wife: Me: Wife: you took it so you could make a Star Wars joke didn’t you? Me: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
@shannonrwatts: My son’s voicemails from camp sound like Civil War updates: “Hi mother. I’m in charge of taking everyone down Salt Creek in canoes. It’s been pouring for days and our tents are soaking. Morale is low. I love you.”