I don’t know anything about soccer, but I hope they win.

Go Soccers!

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Eyebrows tangled with the fury of a thousand Scottish grandfathers.


If history is any indication a lot more stuff is bound to happen.


Awake in the streets,
Asleep in the sheets.

Did I do that right? I don’t get it.


Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?


Me: *kisses toddler* goodnight

Toddler: goodnight

Me: *shuts bedroom door*

Toddler: *behind me* hi

Me: how did you…


ELEPHANT COP: I recognize you

LION: I just have one of those familiar faces

ELEPHANT COP: You don’t know who the hell you’re dealing with