I don’t know if this is a bacon bit or a scab, but either way it’s delicious.

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I edited all the slow motion scenes in Baywatch back to regular speed. The entire series was only 16 minutes long.


i will not order eggs in a restaurant unless the chef personally lays them


tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.


Every day I learn something new as a parent. Today I learned I can’t sit through my daughter’s violin recital without a desire to die.


it’s fun to mess with teachers by training your kids to review books with terms like “sophomoric” and “pedestrian”


Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. “Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!”


Don’t let them fool you. Squirrels are just rats dressed in Armani.


“Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?”

STEVE: How about a Kasteve?

BOB: I have a better idea