Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
I don’t know what my husband is planning on doing for me for Mother’s Day but I hope it’s the laundry.
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I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I’m impecunious.
Few things are creepier than someone saying “I know” after you introduce yourself.
Me: I’m sorry but visiting hours are over
Her: This is our bedroom
Me: You’ll have to come back tomorrow
Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job…HAHAHAHA!
Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I’m in tears*
Dads love giving the grill tongs a couple of test claps every few minutes
Adam: This isnt so bad
Adam: [mosquito lands on arm] Wtf is this
[5 min later]
Adam: [banging on gates] WE’RE SORRY
There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.
I don’t care how old I am, the first thing I’ll always do when I get to my parent’s house is checking out what’s in the fridge.