@mattkoff

I don’t know who this Rorschach guy is, but he sure likes drawing pictures of my parents not being proud of me!

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@caseytduncan

Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I’m just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind.

@dumbbeezie

When someone says they have a surprise I quickly tell myself it’s probably not cake. I’m tired of the let down.

@DearAuntAbby

Yes, I’m a slob, but I’m a sanitary slob. Underneath all the clutter it’s actually clean.

@DestryBrod

I must have been a raccoon in a former life. I started out cute and cuddly but the older I get the hairier and crazier I get.

Now I have a garbage pallet and I’ll probably hiss at you for touching my snacks.

I still like to cuddle though.

@summerofbenny

“I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure.” – Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.

@BoscoPorter

You guys ever try boiled pasta? It’s not as crunchy but it’s alright

@LurkAtHomeMom

Sure, you can clean your house while the kids are home. You could also shovel your driveway with a spoon during a blizzard. When it comes to wasting time, the possibilities are endless.