@OneFunnyMummy: I don't know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?
@Dawn_M_: A guy told me I'm bad at flirting and I got so mad I took back all the dead birds I nailed to his door.
@Brampersandon_:  ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: uh ok *takes him to president Donald Trump* ALIEN: lol good one but seriously where's ur real leader
@SirEviscerate: Are you eating Jell-O? Cow: "Yeah." You know what gelatin is made from, right? Cow: "No, what?" Uh. Rainbows. Enjoy, buddy.