Do angry tweeters know about prune juice?
I don’t know why I would want to “Keep Up” with them…
I don’t even know where Kardashia is.
(geography’s not my strong suit)
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I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was terrible at first but by the end I kind of liked it.
My inner child just threatened to call Social Services if I don’t eat ice cream for supper tonight.
Aquaman: Come on in the water is great.
Ironman: Sorry dude I have rust issues.
I hope my dog doesn’t turn out weird because she’s being homeschooled.
SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area.
This morning, my 3 year old son emerged from our bedroom wearing several of my wife’s scarves and every bracelet she owns. I know he’s young, and saying this may make me appear close-minded and intolerant, but I don’t want him growning up to be Johnny Depp.
I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.
Winter can cause potentially deadly situations like icy roads, hypothermia, and the much feared man cold.
Guys say “never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn’t die” as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.