*large male nurse rolls chair all the way across room, coming to a stop with his forehead pressed against yours*
SO YOUR CHART SAYS ANXIETY?
I don’t know why so many people blame their air conditioning for their inability to spell.
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Obama: “Anybody else wanna see my birth certificate?” Drops mic, walks away.
Me: *looking at spider in my bathroom*
Me: so, are we gonna do this superhero thing now or do you want me to flush you?
Thanks a lot bathroom doors with the gender written in weird symbols. I just want to pee, not solve a sudoku puzzle.
Protip: Women do not consider puffer fish to be a cute pet name or compliment.
ME: [giving eulogy] we lost a man, but we gained a corpse
What does a robot do during a one night stand?
He nuts and bolts
ME: welcome home John Wick
JOHN WICK: thanks roomie. How’s my tamagotchi?
ME: *starts sweating profusely*
If you speak like Fat Albert throughout the entire exam, doctors will prescribe whatever you want.
boss: teamwork is very important
boss: not like that