I don’t like Haiku because you have to do poetry AND math.

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66% of Canadians were unimpressed with “The Revenant”, or as it’s known in Canada, “Pretty Average Day”


These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I’m going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.


Early Bird: *gets worm*

Late Bird: *snacking on Doritos*

Early Bird: SONOFA


diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.


“Hey baby, what dat mouff do?”

It eats. It eats a lot. That’s what.


I bet Usher shows everyone to their seats at his concerts.


Grad school is my excuse for everything. No text back? Grad school. Havent called in weeks? Grad school. I ate your last donut? Grad school!


Seems a lot like 2021 keeps asking, “What would 2020 do?”