@OctopusCaveman: I don’t like to wear workout clothes. When people see me jogging they probably think “Why is he wearing boots? Why is he jogging at night? It’s way too hot to be wearing a ski mask. Is that an exercise knife?”
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@NewDadNotes: Me: [touches wife’s arm] ⚡️ZAP⚡️ Wife: Ow! You shocked me!!! Me: I am so sorry. Wife: it’s ok, it’s not like you did it on purpose. Me: [under breath] pika pika.
@jerryRenek: Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact.
@_Mo_lee_: Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice..