@kimtopher22: I don't lock my car doors, so if someone wants to steal my egg mcmuffin wrappers, Sonic happy hour cups and 47 cents, they're welcome to it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_steamy_mac: I get hit with a lot of folding chairs for someone that's not a professional wrestler.
@Mostly_Cheese: Cop: You’re driving on the wrong side of the road. Driver: Sorry, I’m English. Cop: (shouting) It’s the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?
@thenatewolf: *A coyote bites my leg in front of a girl I like but I wanna seem cool so I just keep walking and take it with me*
@chrisdelia: Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: "Wait, what did I ask again?"