About four minutes into any run I decide to work on my personality instead.
I dont mean to brag but my sense of humour has people saying they worry about me sometimes.
You Might Also Like
Me: Let me be your fantasy.
Him: It’s a Star Wars thing.
Me: Say no more.
*comes back dressed as Yoda*
We save women and children first because the dads have to make sure all the lights are off and the thermostat is set appropriately.
Sombrero is better than nobrero.
*answers phone call from boss*
I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME AT WORK!
News said how hard it’d be to shoplift a turkey.
Amateurs. It’s all about commitment.
*stuffs turkey under shirt*
*whines that back hurts*
ME: I think the router has reset now
GF: Oh thank God
“Seize the day” in Latin is “Carpe Diem” …”Seize the day” in Douchebag is “YOLO”
That’s one healthy flower bed you’ve got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there?
-My attempts at small talk.
me: this is so crazy it might just work *opens latch to let out hundreds of pigeons that I have tied to me*
her: nope just crazy
me: *covered in pigeon poo* you’re right I need more pigeons