@MikeCanRant
@robdelaney
Just saw the new Avengers & the audience went NUTS when Shrek showed up & saved the day.
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@robdelaney
@50FirstTates
If anyone deserves an Oscar, it’s me for nodding and pretending to understand the directions you’re explaining to me when I know I’m going to use Google Maps regardless
@obijawn
Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 35
@leifromloihi
oh the aliens aren’t speaking to us right now because idk they’re pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever
@Marlebean
NO my kids aren’t having candy for breakfast! What kind of mom do you think I am??
We’re having leftover pizza.
@BlaccieAintShit
Idgaf about nothin y’all better help me get this s550 😂 naw but I’m serious RT!
@Daily__Owls
Owls can make clicking noises with their tongues, often as part of a threat display.
🔊
@theshamingofjay
My son just said he doesn’t like cheese and now I have to interview all the mailmen in my neighborhood
@eff_yeah_steph
Just cleaned out my purse if anyone needs 17 pens or a tooth.