Want guests to leave early? Don’t give them your WiFi password
I don’t need armpits that smell like fruit salad or “sexy intrigue”. I exude that naturally.
The fruit salad smell. Not the sexy intrigue.
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[shakes fist at other fist]
What they’re actually saying is “I can’t even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]”
I heard somebody refer to “The Shape of Water” as “Grinding Nemo” and I’m never going to get over it.
CNN: President Obama Saves The Life Of A Choking Child.
FOX: Failed President Obama Tries To Take Jobs Away From Hard Working EMS Workers.
It’s a doge eat doge world out there. Such cutthroat. Very survival of the fitter
No one is born racist. Racism is taught. By other races.
guy at seaworld: “it’s a cross between an eel and a shark, we’re asking everyone to pick a name for him”
me: “sharkeel o’neal”
Just when I thought my house couldnt smell any worse, my daughter has decided to have deviled eggs for lunch every day. Pray for us.
If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.