Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor.
I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
You Might Also Like
In the middle of an important meeting I quietly pass my boss a post-it note. It just says ‘girl cats have wherskers’. He nods
If video games really made people violent, I would be jumping on every turtle I saw.
When the party host collects everyone’s coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets.
You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras.
Polar Bear: “You hated your wife didn’t you, Pingu!”
Walrus Judge: “Careful Mr Prosecutor. You’re on very thin ice”
Polar Bear: “Your honor, permission to approach the bench”
Walrus: “No. I…”
*Polar Bear takes step forward, plunges through melting ice
Referring to her 28-day cycle as her Doomsday Clock is wrong…
I know that now…
Cut out the middleman and throw all your food right into the whiskey.
That annoying moment when the video starts with “Don’t try this at home” so you have to go next door smh
FRIEND: So how about next Thursday?
ME: Oh. No can do. I’m gonna have diarrhea all day.