@English_Channel

I don’t o u anything!

– Americans complaining about British/Canadian word spellings

You Might Also Like

@iwearaonesie

wife [talking to her pregnant friend] No matter how old they get you always have to remind them to do the dumbest things
me *walks out of the bathroom*
wife: Did you wash your hands?
me *goes back in the bathroom*

@sincir3000

Boss: tomorrow is pajama day at work.
Me: I don’t wear pajamas
B: just wear whatever you sleep in
M: ok, you asked for it.

@BlindChow

[football game]
*ref throws flag*
Ref: *zebra noises*
Players: What?
Coaches: What?
Fans: What?
Zebra at home: *nodding* Good call good call

@krisv_723

So, what’s the suspension like on one of these? Does it have good road handling? What’s the spring rate?
~ me, bra shopping

@MrJeberling

Once while eating bacon I said I was “getting piggy with it” and now I have no friends.

@3sunzzz

M: The boss left a memo on my desk again about how awesome I am.

H: You’re a stay-at-home mom.

M: Yes, which explains my handwriting.

@ClichedOut

me: meet my invisible gf

friend: u don’t have to settle for that

me: ok but she’s–

friend: i was talking to her

@TitaniumToplass

use words like ‘perpendicular’ when you language at people so they think you is good with vocabularying

@LurkAtHomeMom

Pediatrician: How much water does she drink?

Me: You mean like water water or bath water?

@16bitbulbasaur

me: *getting down on one knee*

my gf: omg i can’t believe it’s finally happening

me: *tightening my velcro strap* what