“You’re joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?” -Jesus #GoodFriday
I don’t regret pressing the close button in the elevator when people are running. If they have all that energy-they should take the stairs.
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[Wendy and the Burger King having sex]
King: You like this?
Wendy: I’m loving it!
*the Burger King stops*
King: What did you just say?
titanic just goes to show what can go wrong if you paint someone else’s fiancee
hi, how are you?
–yoda asking how high you are
So inspired right now.
I think my invisible friend ate the last tin of cookies and drank all of the whiskey last evening and boy is she in trouble.
[voice recognition in car]
Car: “please say a command”
Me: “call Tim”
Car: “calling Sarah Marcogliese”
Sorry I had sex with your hot gardener, but in my defense, you did say that I needed Jesus in me.
Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars?
Me: I LOVE STAR WARS
BF: which was your fav
Me: duh, Sorcerer’s Stone
I killed an hour today. The other measurements of time are terrified of me now.