Scarecrow: why aren’t u scared of me?
Batman: why would…wait. do u think I’m a crow?
SC: ur not a crow?
BM: *hurt* No *quietly* I’m a bat
I dont smoke, but still wanna take smoke breaks, so I go outside with everyone then just stand there with a lit birthday candle in my mouth.
You Might Also Like
I just smoked the fattest blunt.. And now my refrigerator is nervous!
Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks “wanna hear something amazing?”
Darth Vader: *kazoo noise*
Moff Tarkin: Someone put a kazoo in your face mask again while you were sleeping?
Darth Vader: *sad kazoo noise*
my 3 year old kept saying she “wants a spirit guest & needs a spirit guest” and “has a spirit guest” and like 4 exorcisms later, i realized she was just talking about asparagus.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions
Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?
That annoying moment when the video starts with “Don’t try this at home” so you have to go next door smh
Watching the Flintstones and the Monkees as a kid gave me an unreasonable expectation that I would be spending a lot more nights in haunted mansions to inherit my kooky dead uncle‘s fortune.
Biden: Oh boy, his car is here, quick let’s all hide
Obama: Joe pls