@joeljeffrey: I dont smoke, but still wanna take smoke breaks, so I go outside with everyone then just stand there with a lit birthday candle in my mouth.
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@chrissyteigen: I don't like charging my phone on the plane because a large part of me feels like I am sucking energy and power from the engine
@bobvulfov: [after an accident on the ski slope] ME: did i nail the triple backflip PARAMEDIC: u choked on a tootsie roll and fell off of the ski lift
@CornOnTheGoblin: Welcome to Premature Ejaculation Club A lot of you came early, I'm not surprised