@SkinnerSteven

I don’t think I cadaver study a dead body

You Might Also Like

@prufrockluvsong

What if Creature From the Black Lagoon’s real name was Gary and “Creature” was just a mean nickname he got in middle school

@DeadLioness

What we all have in common is how extra stupid we look when we stop everything and focus on removing a stray hair from our tongue.

@NomDeBenoit

People aren’t pleased if you try to turn a regular funeral into a viking funeral. They’re all like “put down the lighter” and “who are you?”

@ericsshadow

I dont have a “college fund” bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls

@seamusmckracken

Plays “In Your Eyes” on the kazoo outside your window, dressed like a potato.

@dafloydsta

INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here?

ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don’t. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.

@UncleDuke1969

“Im sorry, I’m just really uncomfortable around children,” she said.

“I understand that,” replied the obstetrician, “but I still need you to push.”

@MikeRevenaugh

Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say “You silly goose.”