My mom’s favorite part of Mother’s Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today’s newspaper.
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I’m calling Facebook “Mom” now because all it does is tell me who from my high school is engaged and remind me about my cousins’ birthdays.
“Don’t kid yourself.”
—birth control advert
Salad is the decaf of food.
Washing – 30 min
Drying – 1 hour
Putting away – 7 to 10 days
Pediatrician: How much water does she drink?
Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
“Oh, are you driving?” -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk
If she calls me lazy again, I swear I’ll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.
My son said that he was bored so I told him he could vacuum, dust or clean the kitchen & Oh! Look at that!
He’s nowhere to be found.
So, this co-worker stated that she makes ice cubes with her leftover alcohol. I’m confused. What’s leftover alcohol?